Wow..it’s 1pm already and I’m still at home! I don’t know why lately I’ve become lazy again. Yesterday I only studied 3-4 hours at school while doing nothing the rest of the day. This entire morning I was reading my sister’s blogs from last year (man I was really bored!) I got so hooked on as she describes her pre-college summer with a group of new friends, new life in college, and her emotional runs with her close friends. A couple of the entries mentioned about me. So I figured I would like to dedicate this entry to my sister…=)
Here is an essay for a scholarship that she wrote about me:
Ever since first grade, my sister Amber was recognized as the “Model Student” ; her plaques of awards from speech contests or academic excellence would cluster and decorate the blank walls in our home. By the time I enrolled in the same school, people soon referred me as the younger sister of the Model Student. At first, I was so proud of her achievement that I became oblivious to the inevitable pressure to excel as she had achieved in the past.
Another paragraph says:
Likewise, I followed my sister’s footsteps closely in order to achieve this goal. Soon, I went from an average student to a straight-A student, earning fives on my AP exams. At the time, I found such academic change glorifying because knowing that I could catch up to my sister made me feel secure about my abilities, and it boosted my ever-growing ego. Meanwhile, I took on Amber’s interests in fine arts as well. Starting at a young age, we had been taking piano lessons together; thus when she diverted her interests to choral music, I felt naturally inclined to join as well. Chamber Singers, the most advanced group of singers at our high school, was the choir my sister had desired but failed to get into. With the motivation to emulate to her, I began taking private vocal lessons so that I would remain in the competition among others. I was on this frenzy, rushing to get ahead; perhaps it was a cry for attention or merely some form of inferior complex of being four years younger; I felt as if I was always a little bit behind her this continual race.
On my eighteenthbirthday, the race drew to a conclusion when she told me that she envied me for living her dreams. Suddenly it dawned upon me: I hadfinally won. Up until my senior year, I had merely been racing with my sister’s past achievements. I came to realize that I was living her dreams, not my own; for I had none. By the time I realized that I was no longer competing with her, I felt empty and lost; the race seemedchildish and insignificant to me then. There was no honor or glory orsome form of proof that I was the better child in my parents¡¦ eyes. Instead, I gained a deep sense of appreciation for her as being my ultimate model. Thanks to her, I had reached my full potential and most importantly, found my passion for music. Without her, I wouldn’t have had the drive to improve and excel.
I knew this is just an essay for getting her scholarship. However, I’ve seen similar expressions in her other entries as well, that she always looked up to me and she always wanted to become more like me or compete with me. Honestly, Camie, I never realized that’s what you think about our relationship. You have so much more qualities that makes me envious of you. When we were young, people always tell us we have two different personalities. I’m always shy, reserved and conservative, while you are more open, outgoing and carefree. I’ve seen how you laughed and joked around with your close friends. Often times, I wanted to become more like you as well. I wanted to open myself up and be able to connect with people as much as you do. Even nowadays, I still have troubles doing that. After reading your weblogs, I’ve realized how silly we both were, trying to become more like each other while we both possessed great qualities among ourselves. I know when we were young, we were two enemies who quarrel and fight each other for petty things. Recent years we both grownup and developed closer friendship. We were able to share secrets and connect with each other better. Seriously, I think you’re the greatest sister in the world and I wouldn’t trade for another person to be my sister. I know we’ve kinda lost touch recently since we’re both busy with our lives. But whenever you have problems and you needed someone to talk to, you can always give me a call or even come up to visit me,alright?
I really need to go to school now. It’s getting late and it takes 30-40 min bus ride to school. later~